On Ways of Being Ocean: Part III

Or rather I should say states of being ocean. I noticed a pattern, an almost consistent one, about these set of photographs. Every now and then, I apparently turned to the ocean, itself. The moving water, the vast body of water was minimized to fill my frames. The way I photographed the ocean is like the way ocean moves. Reoccuring and predictable in some ways, yet there is still plenty of room for diversity in images, in the ways ocean leaves marks on the sand or in the ways she choose behave. 

 

This one is my favorite of all. I sort of see myself in it.



It is fascinating how it becomes a reflector  and a light source as the water  goes back home.

Thanks for looking!

On Film and Life : Part II

Today, I got to witness another birth of a child. It was because of photography. It was with the help of photography. A baby girl was born into this wild world. Having this opportunity, kind of, mesmerizes me. I'm incredibly lucky to be there with my camera as parents welcome their new child, as a new human being takes his/her first breaths out of the comfort of the womb. 

I am pretty grateful for all this. But there is a downside to it, which I would have to admit. I am a young woman who has not had a child yet. When I first started photographing these births, it was dizzying for me to be in that room, watch mothers go through this probably the most profound experience that a woman can have. Especially when it came to C-sections, that's when things got even more fascinating.  Today though, I came to a realization about photography and my camera. As much as it opens countless doors for me in unimaginable situations, it does one more thing for me. It normalizes things and situations that would normally be otherwise. Births, especially C-sections, can get gory sometimes. But as soon as I put the camera on my face, it all becomes more distant. It is like I am removed from that situation that my camera put me in. I sort of become numb to what is happening before my eyes. 

On the other hand photography makes the distant near. Like this picture... 

It was shot on a warm Costa Rica morning, while walking on the beach. I had just wanted to document and remind myself this wild piece of nature. Behind, there was the ocean, rejoicing the shore with every breaking wave. Looking at this photograph, I can almost feel the sand on my feet, the breeze on my skin and I can almost hear the water. 

This frame had one of the best exposure out of the rolls I developed, which makes it a bit more tactile. And thus more near...

If I were there right now, I would probably try to walk into the moil of the branches and find a spot to sit down and do people watching. 

And if I made it far back enough,  this lush would be part of my view.

On the top-right portion of this frame there is a thin white mark, that was basically a piece of hair on the scanner that made its way to the final scan. I tried to fix it several times, but didn't end up with any satisfying result. Normally, I would spend hours trying to fix that. But this time, I am leaving it as it is. This is not a professional image I made for a client or a publication. It is completely personal and it is OK to be imperfect like this. It is okay to make this image more vulnerable to questions or criticism  and same goes for me as a photographer. It is okay.

This was the main road that went down to the main entrance of the beach in Playa Guiones, where I lived in Costa Rica. Most of the business were located on this road. So was my (home) office. It was on the left, right after that second SUV.  It took me less than 10 minutes to get to the beach under normal circumstances. A lot of people would find it pretty ideal. And it was for me, as well. For a while. But some things get old pretty fast for various reasons.

 

This, I believe, was the bus station in Liberia. It was the nearest big city for me. It was a frequent stop, since I was having to leave the country to renew my visa. Liberia is about two hours from the Nicaraguan border. Costa Rica side of the ride wasn't as pleasant of a view as it was once I crossed the border. You would see windmills and a lake along with the farm lands and small neighborhoods in Nicaragua. It always felt more real there.




And here comes my lady, Guadalupe. She just makes me feel so peaceful. I have no recollections of the moment or the place I made this picture. But I am glad I did. She is such a lovely lady.

Thanks for looking!

On Film, Vulnerability and Fear : Part I

Normally, I don't do much talking with the pictures I post, especially not as freely/openly as I did this time. Not sure what made me this articulate tonight but lately I have been pondering a lot about vulnerability and fear within photographic contexts. 

Photography is an experience. For all of us... For me, as the picture maker, for you as the audience and for the persons who are in the photographs... What vulnerability and fear carry is experienced by all of us. We all get exposed to them one way or another. They both have negative connotations yet there is some goodness to them, as well. 

I think, from time to time, it is okay to be vulnerable. It somehow takes pressure off the shoulders. By writing here today, I feel like I am testing my waters for my vulnerability. I am writing things here that I would normally journal about. I am exposing myself. It makes me nervous yet it makes me more human. And it is okay. 

It is like taking pictures on film. Using film makes a photographer a lot more vulnerable. We don't have the chance to see whether we have  the shot we are after or not. Shooting on film, you just gotta rely on your technical knowledge, instincts and luck. Chances are you might not get it and you won't know until after all is over. 

And fear... That fear... It can drag you down yet it can raise you up to wherever you wanna reach. It is a  dangerous one. Gotta have some of it but not too much. A thin line to keep the balance on...

Writing these, I think, is giving me the opportunity to experience my fear of vulnerability. And turns out it is not too bad.

I am a relatively young photographer, both in age and definitely in experience. I might be part of one of those last few generations whose first encounter with photography was through the dark room, the film photography, the chemicals... I recall my anxiety mixed with fascination as I was waiting for my rolls to develop or for my test strips to appear the pictures years ago. It was and is one of the best experiences of my life. 

Back then, I had saved up and bought a Nikon N80 for that dark room class and used it quite frequently for the few following years after that amazing class. When I needed to get a good digital body, I had to sell it. And pretty much since then, I hadn't gone back in the darkroom. But this past week, my awesome friends from KA Photo Workshop  let me use their darkroom and film scanners. So I got to develop some rolls from the good ol' Holga that I had apparently been shooting on since last fall.

It was interesting to hold each strip of negative onto the light and see what was revealed in these private  and quiet squares. It was almost like going through a time machine where I could stop wherever I want at any given time and spend as much time as I want at that point in life.

Film photography has a strange aura to it. Aside from its overall nostalgia and obscurity, there is something about it that makes me really sad and I am having a hard time pinpointing what that is. I wanna say it is the tactility, the texture and the depth of space and colors in it. But not quite sure if these are sufficient to figure out what I am looking for.

So these are four "people" pictures from the five rolls that took me back to the dark room. I will be posting more photographs in the coming days with couple of different themes. But I wanted to start with these. These were the first several pictures that grabbed my attention when I looked at the negatives. For me, it is the people that makes it easier to connect with  images. It is the people that makes a photograph unforgettable. It is what I, as the photographer, experienced with them. And it is what the audience can relate to in these people.

So this is my friend, Han. It is one of the three oldest pictures from these five rolls. I believe it was last September. He was in town for a few days, before he took off to Wyoming for his new job. 

We had gone on a short hike before heading out to my favorite bar at the time, Lucy's in McBaine, Mo. 

It was good day. We had talked about our past trips, school, his new job, the dreams we each had. We had reflected on how crazy life had been for each one of us. 

This couple... Lisa and Gabriel. I met them on a bus ride from Nosara to Samara, while on assignment on those towns back in Costa Rica. I believe they are from NYC. Lisa is a hair stylist and Gabriel, if I  remember correctly, was managing a bar and had a band called The Stationary Set. They had rented a room at an artist's house in Samara and making day trips to nearby towns during that trip. 

The reason why we started talking in the first place was because of the cameras we had. Gabriel was making pictures of Lisa with an old Polaroid (the kind that spits out the pictures right away :)). And I had the plastic Holga around my neck. Gabriel had said they make pictures of each other with that Polaroid on their trips and gather their memories like that. It made me happy. It made me smile. 

I always think (and express it quite frequently) that everything happens for a reason. It usually takes some time for one to see that "reason" but I think today's coincidences become tomorrow's interconnected chain of events that lead us to one place or another in life. 

These were my neighbors from Nosara, Corey and Mike. A day after I met them, I decided to move back to Turkey. So we only got to hang out for three weeks. I don't think I could have asked for any better neighbors than them at that point. 

Corey was teaching English at an institute in town and waiting to go back to the States to meet up with his girlfriend, Liz in less than two months. And Mike, a definitely free-spirit, had no itinerary for his travels whatsoever and I believe he still doesn't. He had retired and started traveling around the warm tropics, learning Spanish and basically enjoying his life. 

As I mentioned above, everything happens for a reason. I believe the universe brought us all together at a time when I was going through some difficulties. The presence of these two incredible spirits definitely helped me put things in perspective, and at the very least, distracted me from getting stuck in my own head. 

I made this photograph on a Sunday afternoon. We had gone to the beach for sunset and some swimming. Mike and I had gotten to enjoy the ocean but Corey was dealing with some brutal toe injury. So he was mostly busy making pictures, collecting his memories. Once the sunset hit, though, we all grabbed the cameras. I couldn't help but take a few steps back and capture this moment. 

Thanks for looking. There will be more pictures and talking coming in the next days. 

A Recent Engagement: Doga and Burak

  

I was recently asked to photograph a dear friend's engagement ceremony with the love of her life. It was a simple, warm and intimate gathering with close family and friends. She was so fun to work with. 

At one point, while we're at the hair salon, I turned around and came across this lovely moment, where the bride to be and her mother was wearing mascara at the same time. 

Until that day, I had never seen Doga around her older sister, whom apparently she adores to. I think this picture displays the relationship between the two quite well. 

The simplicity of the event was observable also on her look. 

And the couple finally got to have a private moment on this hectic day. 

As far as I know, Doga is a very emotional lady. She couldn't help her tears right after her grand aunt cut the ribbon. 

Doga's eyes are incredible. Very deep and  beautiful shade of light brown, which becomes even more apparent at golden hour. This couple was unbelievably cute, so was their penguin cake toppers.

Thanks for looking.

Some family portraits from a while back

This is my grandmother. She is over 80. I had not seen her for about 4 years until last month, due to my travels. I found her physically aged, yet mentally still as sharp as ever before.

She didn't like that she had her glasses in the previous picture. So she asked me redo the photograph without them. This one, for me, sums up who she is, or rather who I have known her to be all my childhood.

This is my aunt, my mom's older sister. She has been one of the most loving and caring women I have ever known. It's been interesting to observe the aging in her face. 

 

This is my uncle, husband of the aunt above. Same goes for him. I'm saddened and amazed with how aging has shadowed this couple's faces in the last few years.



And here is just a quiet, peaceful lake sunset, that we came across while traveling in between towns.

Ankara Wedding Festival

Tonight, I assigned myself to shoot a wedding festival that the Ankara Buyuksehir Municipality organizes annually. The event is organized for low income couples, who can't afford to have their own wedding. This year 213 couples got married at this huge wedding. 

There were three singers performing tonight. The first two was before the wedding ceremony. Most of the couples danced to the popular songs that were being played.

The municipality provided the wedding dresses and the suits for the couples.

Some couples seemed incredibly in love and excited to get married like this one, whereas others spent the night sitting at their assigned tables.

 As I was photographing the couple in the middle, this performance artist just walked into the frame.

The red ribbon around the bride's waist symbolizes her virginity. Traditionally, it is just a plain ribbon.  But this lady had their names on it.

This bride was just gorgeous. I noticed her as soon as I walked into the venue. Thankfully, they decided to dance under some relatively better light.

The municipality did the ceremony for four couples, symbolically. This bride's hands were shaking as they were waiting for their turn. 

It was actually an all around wedding with a pretty cake, as well.

Last singer performed after the ceremony as some couples continued dancing.

Apparently, one bride gave up on dancing in her heels.

Some outtakes

Here are some of the outtakes that didn't make it to the final edit in my 3 Weeks After 3 Years story. I seriously considered to keep this first image here and the last one down below in the story, as they were the first and the last photos I made of the trip, as they showed and intense emotional reaction from my mother who hadn't seen me in a while. After talking to a few friends, I decided not to keep these in.

 

The  geek in me secretly wished that there was separation between that finger in the background and the window.

Seconds after I shot this one, mom walked up to the snowman and posed with him for me. An unexpected move from her. 

And there it goes. Farewells are never fun.

Takbir vs. Free Kisses

"Dear passengers, please be sure to comply with the rules of morality."

This is the announcement that triggered a  protest at Kurtulus Subway in Ankara. Earlier this week, this announcement was made at the subway to warn passengers who interact, supposedly, against the rules of morality. 

A group of protestors gathered at Kurtulus Square and protested this announcement with public kisses and hugs. 

This protest was important for me to shoot. I got my journalism education in the States. I had never practiced my profession in my home country before. I wasn't hired by any media organization. i went there just to get myself shoot some and to see how things work at home. 

It was quite fascinating to observe. It is almost a show business where all parties are aware of the rules of the game. 

The protest was supposed to start at 6:30 p.m. I got there about 40 minutes before. All four subway entrances were held my multiple security guards along with several police officers. I could see quite a few people with cameras waiting for the protestors. This protestor in the above picture came out, put on his costume and started posing for the cameras. 

This is how many cameras were directed at him. I could hear journalist telling him what to do, where to look etc. 

Finally, a small group of protestors showed with signs, reading "free kisses" and " kiss me."

Shortly after the kiss protestors, an opposing group came out. Their sign read "Kissing is subjective. Kurtulus is not a private place." They also chanted "Allahu Akbar" and "Kurtulus is not a brothel."

Between the two groups, there was a crowded group from the police force. There were probably more cops than the total of two groups of protestors. 

Finally, all the protestors went down to the subway along with all the cameras and cops. In my prejudged opinion, I thought I would see a large group of people who would kiss all at the same time. Instead, I saw random couples who are asked to kiss for the cameras. 

And these two guys who needed to blow condoms to protest. 

The whole thing lasted less than 30 minutes. After we all came out, I saw everyone running in one direction. Sure enough, I followed the crowd. It turns out that one of the kissing protestors was attacked with a big knife. There was only one reporter who was there to document the attack. She was cool about letting everyone film or photograph her shot.  She also e-mailed everyone a series of her shots.